Yellow is the New Black

Melanin too dark, Yellow too bright to throw her shade

Gaining admission into UC Berkeley! New school, New Me!

I was super excited to move to a different country. Watching a ton of rom coms I knew that I would enjoy dating abroad. If I had these many guys asking me out back home, imagine the men who would ask me out in America. Boys aside, I had come to fully accept my looks, my smarts etc. To me, I was the complete package. When I arrived, I was in for a full surprise!

First of all, you know how people glamorize the “glow up” when people travel. Their pictures are brighter, skin looks clearer etc. That’s what I envisioned for myself, my spots would finally clear and my skin tones would balance out. However, the 1st months into my arrival was the complete opposite. My skin burned for weeks on contact. Nothing I used worked. My face that had no pimple or scar began to grow darker and was filled with burn marks. To make it worse, everyone around me seemed so light, so white. It was a culture shock I wasn’t prepared for. I found myself feeling so dark in a room that “shone bright.” To make it worse, everyone stared. I mean everyone. I would walk into class, and the bus, and all eyes would turn to me. Not in admiration but in surprise “what is she doing here”. I felt so out of place. Coupled with my skin irritation to the new climate, my insecurities began to grow again. All my rom com fantasies were dashed when I began to understand the dating structure of my school. Everyone wanted the girl that looked black but wasn’t black. It was white, Asian, Latina, Mixed race. No one tells you what it’s like to be a dark- skinned Black woman, you just experience it with no manual.

No one tells you what it’s like to be a dark-skinned Black woman, you just experience it with no manual.

Every day was hard for me, there I was in a body that was deemed unattractive. More confusing because my male counterparts were living large, seemed to be worshipped and I felt like garbage. When I thought it was just my imagination, I had my female friends confirm it, sharing their experiences. It is either they weren’t wanted or they were fetishized. According to one of my Black male friend he said that dating Black women wasn’t his type because we were too “difficult.” You can imagine how shocking it was for me, coming from a world where everyone pretty much looked the same to a world where I was ostracized on first glance. I never went on dates, the men never came and when I tried to make the 1st move it wasn’t met with enthusiasm.

No, my need to be attractive wasn’t entirely to date or love. It was to be seen. Half of the time I felt invisible and when I was visible, I felt I didn’t belong. I cried nights feeling this loneliness and insecurities seeping through. I knew I had to come up with another coping mechanism. When I was in my teens, I was insecure about my looks and took up sports and academics to compensate. Now, I was already smart/athletic, I had a ton of extracurricular activities, I needed something different. I wanted something more expressive of my nature. I chose fashion.

Being in America, the styles/looks are accessible. You can dress anyway and not be judged. It is pretty easy to pick a theme and run with it. That was my opportunity. I began to shop and pick really fun, bold colors. I don’t know how but it felt like the colors were calling me. I never felt shy or uncomfortable in them, it was like wearing my extra personality on the outside. Then came yellow. Not sure what my 1st yellow outfit was but it was glorious. I realized the effect the color had on my mood for starters. I instantly felt more confident when I dressed up and happier. When I walked to class, I would have eyes follow me and it did not bother me one minute. I welcomed it.

My theory: if you are going to stare at me, I am going to give you something to stare at.

So it began, I would buy outfits (on sale) with bright colors, Forever 21 was bae when it came to unique styles. Even my corporate attire took a turn, my pants and suits were all blue, red, yellow etc. As time went by, I barley had any monotonous outfit. This coping mechanism had a positive effect on me. I began to realize how everyone around me was just basic, the guys I wanted to be with were equally so. The Bay Area is known for its lazy/chill demeanor reflected in the sweat pants/snickers lifestyle. I was appalled by it all. In the rooms where I was looked at with disdain now turned into the rooms where I commanded their attention. I had my smarts to back it up too!

Over time, I accepted my skin. I never hated it, the way I did when I was younger. I was just shy or hurt by the way others looked at me because of it. Not anymore, I could give two fucks what people thought or how they looked at me. I was finally taking up space, showing up and never staying hidden. I would wake up early to get dressed each day and head to work then class. To deal with the burns on my face, Fenty Beauty came through!! That foundation changed my life, I was able to conceal the undertones caused by the burns and have a natural glow each day! Most importantly, I had this unwritten rule that nothing or no one could make me cry when I wore Fenty. The makeup is too good to be ruined by tears. Am I right?

Nothing or no one would make me cry when I wear Fenty Beauty.

These days, I feel sexy, invincible. I wear yellow now as my signature look because it is amazing on dark skin and as my way of thanking the color for bringing light back in my life. This signature look has become the perfect match to my extra/ambitious personality and it is here to stay.

If you are reading this, now you know why I wear yellow. Just like you I had insecurities about my looks, if you are a dark skin woman like me, the feelings run deeper. It is okay to feel the way you feel but you have to remember that you are beautiful. I realize looks aren’t everything but with social construct of “white is right”, Black women have felt the brunt of insecurities the moment we look at the mirror. How are we expected to function in our day to day, in school, at work? Our talents, our ambitions become hidden, we dim our light because we feel unaccepted due to our skin.

Ladies, create your own mechanism, wear that red lipstick, leave your afro out, wear those tight jeans, whatever it takes to get your freak on each day, do it! You deserve to feel sexy every single day and don’t wait for any man’s approval to feel it.

Know that you are not doing too much, you are simply taking up space, reminding people you belong in that room regardless.

Dress the way you want to be address

Dress like a CEO

Dress like a Bad Bitch

Dress like a Goddess

Dress like a Queen

Dress like you wear the Sun on your sleeves

Dress like you wear the Stars as your ornaments

Embrace that Melanin Drip